Playing House: The Audacity of Expectations

You may be familiar with the cliché, “Why buy the milk when you could get the cow for free?” The saying simply means there is no need to make an investment in something when you are gaining the benefits from it already.  Think about it carefully.  In some traditions it is custom for a man to pay bride price once his marriage proposal is accepted by the soon-to-be bride and her family.  Sometimes it may include as much as offering several cows to the father of the bride.  However without proposing marriage, there is no use in buying a cow to offer someone when your own supply has not been bought.

Obviously many people today live together with their boyfriend/girlfriend, significant other, or partner, as they find that their living arrangements either work for them or hope that it eventually may lead to a bright future together forever.

D. Johnson, a former classmate and college graduate as of May, rented her first apartment two years ago near her school’s campus to live together with her boyfriend.  It was a new experience for the two.  No more walks and bus rides to visit each other at separate houses or violent bangs on his or her front door to be allowed inside.  Instead, the two had their own copy of the house key including a spare, how cute.

Her first routine at playing house began when she woke up in the same bed as her boyfriend.  Soon after she would prepare breakfast, then after returning home from school, prepare dinner.  While most college students are being fed meals in their school’s cafeteria, at 20 she chose to regularly cook for two.  Perhaps she watched one too many movies about how to keep a man that she felt the need to play out the scenes in such movies like cooking and cleaning round-the-clock.  Sadly for Johnson, it has not really gotten her anywhere because they are currently on “break” from each other.  She explained that her boyfriend needed his “space.”

Although the two are young, she dreams of a future with her boyfriend of four years who has mentioned that he would like to marry her someday.  Someday may take some years or somebody will have to settle with being just someone’s girl.

K. Portes, 26, lives together with her child’s father, their two-year-old son, and her first child from a previous relationship.  She and her boyfriend have been together for three years and have lived together for the past two and half years.  Portes explained that even though she would like to marry him, he shows no sign of readiness and she is unsure of how much longer it will take before he takes that step.  She is currently unemployed and therefore relies greatly on her boyfriend’s income which shows she is dependent on someone who exhibits no serious commitment, even after having a child.

Women like Johnson and Portes have the audacity to complain about being the longtime girlfriend for 15 years; whining about why he won’t propose, and why can’t he get his stuff together and put a ring on it?  No one is to blame but you.  After all, no one put you in that position but yourself.

What does one expect when they have made things extremely comfortable for their mates; cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner, in some cases raise children together, split bills, act as nurse when their man is sick, and do everything else like married couples.    Obviously the boyfriend may not see a reason to marry.

It is important to be realistic about the relationship’s expectations, especially when living and acting like married couples. Women will often expect their man to make it official, when to him, it already is official.